


SG1 returns!

by Holdt



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Meta, Meta!fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-15
Updated: 2010-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holdt/pseuds/Holdt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flagrantly standard-issue narcissistic metafic. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	SG1 returns!

_Rewrite by the Council of the Plotbunny_

 __  
***news conference***

Reporter 1: "It says here your name is....Miss Wolfie?"

Wolfie: *steely eyed gaze* "Yeahsss...?"

 _*reporter shifting nervously and looking to Mitch*_

Reporter 1: "A-annd...your..."Council" has rewritten the first 5 and the last 3 seasons of  
Stargate SG1, is that correct?"

Mitch: "Actually, dear, we WROTE it the way it should have been the first time.  
The first run was practice." _*winning smile*_

PinkDiamonds: *trying to hide a laugh behind a cough* Also, the process of  
re-releasing directors cuts and Alternate versions is quite standard for Asian  
science fiction. We would rather refer to our version as SG-Ultimate, thank you."

Reporter 1: _*dubious tone*_ "I...seeee. Ah...hmm. What makes you think you can just-"

 _*warning signals*  
*various clinks and clanks as the Council shifts in black BDUs, full dress  
blues, AFcamo and SGC standard BDUs, complete with utility belts and kevlar  
boots*_

Reporter 1: "So ah... I was saying-"

Holdt: _*cough*_ "Bullshit!" _*cough*_ *serene smile*

Reporter 1: "that, ah...do you really think its valid to-"

Mitch: _*cough*_ Kiss-ass! _*cough*_

Reporter 1: "- completely change the basis of interpersonal relationships in an  
established-"

Wolfie: _*cough*_ Tool! _*cough*_

 _*short silence as reporter stares and Mitch, Wolfie and Holdt inspect their  
nails.*  
_  
Reporter 1: _*in desperation*_ "There seems to be a lot of re-written scenes  
involving rather adult content between the two main male characters and even an  
established domestic relationship, and the ah..screener that you sent our studio  
included what we're told is a completely new clip where Col. John-"

 _*4 voices in tandem*_ "JACK."

"Col. Johnatha-"

"Jack, JACK, his name is fucking JACK!" _*ahem*_ Wolfie smoothes her skirt and  
tries to pretend she didnt just fanbomb the man.

Reporter 1: "Uh...Col. Jack O'Neill um...pulls Daniel away while his wife is trying to kiss  
him goodbye? Is that right? That cant be right..." _*searching his notes*  
_  
Wolfie: _*evil snickers*_

PinkDiamonds: "Define ' ** _wife'_**."

Reporter 1: _*baffled*_ "uh...excuse me?"

PinkDiamonds: _*battle-lights high in her eyes and voice calm and steady*_  
" _Define_."  
" **WIFE.** "  
 _  
*throroughly cowed newsman*_ "Right, then - moving on..."

 _*loud guffaw from Mitch*  
_

Reporter 1: "Can you tell us why you chose to remove Season 6 in entirety from the series?"

 _*4 identical cold glares*_

*fan-force 4*

"There **_IS_** no Season 6."

  
Holdt:

"We're done here."


End file.
